Is My Child Highly Sensitive?

High sensitivity is a personality trait present in 20% of the population, including children and teenagers. The highly sensitive child is often quiet and withdrawn, dislikes noisy groups, is a deep thinker, and has an intuition far beyond their years.

They may have odd quirks, like having an aversion to knitted clothing or labels inside t-shirts. This might simply show that the child feels certain sensations, like itchy fabrics. Highly sensitive children need to be understood and parented so that this trait is treated as a gift, not an obstacle to overcome.

What is high sensitivity?

Highly sensitive people (HSP) have sensory processing sensitivity. This means that their nervous systems are more highly attuned than other people’s. Sights, sounds, smells, and emotional stimuli have a more profound effect on the HSP, sometimes resulting in emotionally charged reactions. High sensitivity is not a medical diagnosis, but it may present alongside conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or autism spectrum disorder.

High sensitivity may present as some of these characteristics: a preference for smaller groups or alone time, happiness in quiet environments, a low pain threshold, a dislike for violent movies, bright lights and noise, deep compassion and empathy for others, and exaggerated emotional responses. It can be stressful to be an HSP, but a highly sensitive person can thrive in the right environment and with enough understanding and support.

Highly sensitive children (HSC) can be inflexible, may act out when they feel out of control, and may need rigid rules when playing simple games. Their reactions are often exaggerated and emotional, and this can be triggering for parents who do not understand the behavior.

On the other hand, highly sensitive children are frequently well-mannered, polite, kind, and intelligent. They experience the world with deeper insight than other children their age, and this often makes them appear as “old souls,” or wise beyond their years.

10 Characteristics of Highly Sensitive Children

They have more exaggerated emotional responses

Highly sensitive children are wired to experience emotional extremes, with little middle register. Where other children might experience excitement, the HSC will be euphoric.

Other children might feel grumpy when feeling ignored, but the HSC might rage and demand attention. Parents might respond to them with disciplinary measures, or dismiss them as being dramatic, but these emotional outbursts might not be a behavioral problem.

They experience sensory input more keenly

The senses are amplified for highly sensitive children, meaning that they may feel certain emotional reactions to seemingly insignificant things. Many highly sensitive children have preferences for the way things look, especially the appearance of their parents.

They might become distressed when a parent changes their hairstyle, for example. They often have comfort objects, like a favorite pajama set or blanket, and when they don’t have access to this item they feel exposed and will emotionally react.

They crave stability and may be inflexible

Every child needs consistency and a fair amount of rigidity to feel safe. Highly sensitive children have a more intense need for order and often need to be in control of the seemingly insignificant details of their environment.

They may wish to dictate seating arrangements at the dinner table, the color of their bowl or cup, and what they wear on which days. When children feel controlled by internal impulses, they try to exert control externally. This is especially true for HSC.

They have hyper-awareness in any environment

Highly sensitive children have a brain that doesn’t switch off. In any circumstance they remain vigilant and observant, taking in all manner of details. They might notice the slightest changes in decor or the smallest change in tone when people are conversing.

Not only do they observe this information, but they absorb and feel it so that it affects them. Even young HSC children might attempt to intervene when they detect tension between parents.

They are easily frustrated and affected by failure

It is common for children to become despondent or frustrated when they fail at a task. For HSC, this failure is something they absolutely cannot accept.

They tend to have perfectionistic tendencies, and so failing at a task means losing control of a situation, which can be terrifying for them. They may be avoidant of all new things (like a new sport), or else they may become so ashamed of their failure that they never attempt it again.

They are self-conscious and have a hard time accepting criticism or correction

Highly sensitive children are often preoccupied with how other people perceive them and hate scrutiny of any kind. Feedback and correction, even when offered gently and benignly, may result in them feeling exposed and ashamed.

They will avoid being the center of attention if they can, and things like surprise parties might be their worst nightmare. Even praise can be difficult for them to accept, simply because of the focus it gives to them, and they often prefer written encouragement.

They are resistant to new things

Because of their overactive brains, highly sensitive children are consumed with assessing details in new situations. For example, when entering a new classroom with a new teacher, the HSC will take in all the details of their surroundings: the decor, the information on posters, the body language of the new teacher, and their sincerity or falseness.

If given the time and space, they will make their assessment of each of these things and determine whether it is safe and acceptable or not. But under pressure, the HSC might respond with a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response.

They are curious and insightful

More than other children, the highly sensitive child asks questions. From ages 3-6 especially, highly sensitive children require a near-constant explanation of how things work. These questions could be in the area of their interest, or about practical items.

More often than not, though, these questions are probing and might be surprising to their parents. For example, when watching a movie, the HSC might ask about a certain character’s motivations, or how an abstract concept works in real life.

They are almost always polite and respectful

Because highly sensitive children crave approval and constancy in their surroundings, they generally respect authority and excel in manners. Their sensitivity and emotional intelligence also mean that teachers feel more connected to them as students. The maturity they display makes them favorable to most adults.

They love animals

Most children love pets and may have a favorite animal, but most highly sensitive children develop deep emotional connections to all animals. They may gain the reputation of a rescuer, saving animals as small as insects from harm.

Many children do not have strong concepts of suffering or pain, but highly sensitive children do and often become deeply distressed at the thought of suffering or hurting animals.

Not every highly sensitive child exhibits these traits, as there is a spectrum of highly sensitive behavior. The chances are that if your child exhibits three or more of these characteristics, then they are highly sensitive. Some tests can easily be done online to confirm this.

Needs of Highly Sensitive Children

Although they are more aware of themselves and their emotions than other children, highly sensitive children are still children. This means that they often do not understand their emotional reactions to stimuli, and are unable to restrain their emotional responses. Caregivers need to be firm, calm, and gentle in the way that they respond to these things.

Parents can also help the HSC understand their own emotions. From infancy, you might want to link certain expressions to emotions, like laughter to happiness. As the child grows, so too does the complexity of their emotions, but observing their behavior and beginning conversations about what they are feeling might be helpful.

If the child is quiet and distant, you might ask if they are upset about something. This gives space for them to express themselves, which might be necessary.

More than anything, highly sensitive children need gentleness. They will not respond well to harsh discipline, raised voices, or threats. It is often exasperating to deal with elevated emotional reactions and tantrums of highly sensitive children.

Both you and your child might benefit from giving space to their turbulent emotions and allowing them to naturally subside before addressing them. Be careful not to shut down the emotional outbursts, or to dismiss them as naughtiness.

High sensitivity is a common trait and a complex one. Highly sensitive children do not have a disorder but may benefit from caregivers and educators who have insight into their behavior. If treated as a gift and not an obstacle, high sensitivity allows children to be deeply compassionate and empathetic to their siblings, friends, and teachers.

Next Steps

Parenting a highly sensitive child can be challenging, as well as rewarding. Caregivers and parents need to prioritize their mental wellness too. Should you find that you need someone with whom you can share your concerns, struggles, and questions, you may benefit from having a counselor. Contact us today to book your appointment with a professional counselor.