The Steps to Forgiveness

Forgiveness isn’t easy to do, no matter how strong your faith may be. However, it is a key component of the healing process, and it can help you live a new life of freedom. A Christian counselor can help you learn to forgive the people who hurt you so you can move forward in faith.

Forgiveness Meaning

The definition of forgiveness may be different than you think. It is not forgetting what happened to you. It does not require you to be reconciled to the person who hurt you, but it is admitting that you experienced hurt from the offense, grieving it, and then giving it over to God.

Only God can perfectly handle your area that needs forgiveness. Whether your area of forgiveness is huge or small, God will help you let it go. He is the only one big enough to see the problem from all sides.

He is the only one trustworthy enough to carry out vengeance on your offender. God knows your feelings and motives. He also understands the feelings and motives of your offender. He has perfectly balanced scales of justice, and he promises to work all things together for your good if you believe in him.

By choosing to forgive, you release your natural human urge to seek revenge. You instead place your trust in God to handle the situation. The Bible warns us against seeking revenge in Romans 12:19. It says that only God can repay people for the wrong they have done. Each of us will give an account to God someday, and you want to be able to say on that day that you forgave your offender, whether they ever apologized to you or not.

When you release your offender to God, you are no longer tethered to them through the offense. You cut the cord and release them to God. This act also releases you from the offense and sets you free. The offense will always be a part of your story, but it does not have to define your life from this point forward.

God can free you from that painful story when you trust him with your future. He will also instruct you on whether to seek reconciliation with your offender. Your counselor can advise you on these matters as well.

Situations that Need Forgiveness

There are many reasons that people need to forgive others. You may think your situation is unforgivable, but we have likely counseled someone before with the same problem you are facing. Consider some of these client experiences that benefited from forgiveness:

• A husband forgave his wife for her acts of infidelity, and their marriage was healed.
• A woman forgave her ex-husband for their difficult divorce so she could start over fresh.
• A son forgave his physically and emotionally abusive father to experience healing in his own family.
• A mother forgave her daughter’s abuser so she could receive God’s peace.
• A father forgave his daughter for her addiction and exploitation, so he could live without constant worry and guilt.
• A woman forgave her parents for manipulating her so she could have healthy relationships with others.
• A man forgave his difficult boss so he could advance in his career elsewhere.
• A woman forgave the doctor’s malpractice so she could live a life free from bitterness.
• A woman forgave her pastor for spiritual abuse so she could connect to a healthier church.

Your situation may look different from these examples, yet it could still benefit from forgiveness. Though forgiveness may seem impossible to you now, it is possible with God’s help. All these people felt stuck and frustrated in their situations yet found the freedom to forgive with their counselor’s help. Your story can turn out the same way.

God’s Forgiveness

Since God forgave us, we can forgive the people who hurt us. In Matthew 18:21-25, Jesus tells a story that illustrates our need to forgive others as God forgave us. We have each run up huge debts with God, yet he has torn up our debts and forgiven them. Instead of forcing others to repay us for their much smaller debts, we can also cancel their debts with God’s help.

Jesus uses the Lord’s Prayer to teach us how to forgive. We are to forgive others their debts because God has forgiven our debts (Matthew 6:12 NIV). Jesus also issues a strong warning in Matthew 6:15, saying that if we refuse to forgive others, God will not forgive us. Forgiveness is a big deal to God, and it needs to be important to us too.

On the day Jesus died, he spoke words of forgiveness over the soldiers who were nailing him to the cross (Luke 23:34). That is one of the toughest situations to forgive, but Jesus did it to model forgiveness for us. He will help you forgive even the toughest situations in your own life.

We can be set free from our past and live the abundant life God wants for us when we choose to forgive. God will give you the strength to forgive as you follow Jesus’ example. Your Christian counselor can also help you apply the lessons in the Bible to your forgiveness journey.

The Steps to Forgiving Others

Forgiving someone is not a one-and-done deal. It’s often choosing to forgive over and over, as Jesus described in Matthew 18:22. You must forgive someone every time the memory surfaces. This can take weeks, months, or even years. However, each time you decide to forgive, you can let go of bitterness and grow to be the person God wants you to be. Your forgiveness journey may be the most fruitful path you ever take in your spiritual life.

You will be tempted to revisit the memory of the hurt, then hold a grudge against your offender. Meditating on scriptures about forgiveness can help you make the right choices. You can remember your verse when you are triggered by unforgiveness so you can choose forgiveness instead.

Pull out the verses here and write them down or store them on your phone. They will serve as reminders when you are tempted to become bitter. These verses will help you fight back and choose freedom instead.

You aren’t only fighting your tendencies in your struggle to forgive. Satan also wants to keep you tied to the past, mired in bitterness and anger. He knows that when you forgive, you are most like God. So, he attempts to thwart your progress in growing more like Christ each day. When you feel tempted to withhold forgiveness, you can pray to God for help and declare Bible truth over the situation. God will help you defeat Satan’s strategies.

Some people benefit from writing a forgiveness list. Your counselor can help you write a list of the offenses committed against you. This list is not for your offender’s eyes. It’s for you, your counselor, and God as you work toward freedom.

After writing the list and discussing it with your counselor, you may experience greater freedom by burning or shredding it. This symbolic act can signify your commitment to forgiving your offender, just as God has forgiven you.

Christian Counseling for Relationship Issues

Forgiveness is a huge task. Many people stay stuck in unforgiveness for years, unable to embrace the abundant life God offers due to unforgiveness. But you can have a different outcome as you choose to forgive.

A caring Christian counselor will walk beside you in the forgiveness journey. Your counselor will assist you in sorting through the past, grieving what was lost, and choosing to heal. Many people heal faster when they receive guidance and wisdom from a Christian counselor.

To start your healing journey, contact the staff at Carlsbad Christian Counseling today. We will be happy to support you as you choose to forgive.