What Depression Feels Like: How to Help a Depressed Loved One

Loving someone will make you sensitive to what they’re feeling, and it will move you to draw close to them in their times of need. When a loved one is suffering from depression, it can be difficult to understand what depression feels like.  Sometimes all you can do is be present and come alongside them on their journey of healing.

As Samwise Gamgee said to his friend Frodo in the Lord of the Rings, “I can’t carry it for you, Mr. Frodo; but I can carry you.” When a loved one goes through depression, you won’t be able to carry it for them or take it away from them, but you can help them as they bear their burden.

Understanding depression

Depression is more than just feelings of sadness or having a bad day. Depression goes deeper than this because it is a mood disorder. Depression is a mental health condition that negatively affects how a person feels, thinks, acts, and experiences the world.

Since depression goes deep into the recesses of a person’s thinking and feeling, they can’t just get over it, or push through to make themselves feel better. Many Americans and people across the world experience depression regardless of gender, age, income, race, or ethnicity.

What depression feels like

When a person feels depressed, there are several ways to describe it. It can feel like there’s a fog or veil over your mind that makes you feel sluggish in your thinking and ability to make decisions. It can also make it hard to concentrate on anything, and it will also make you forgetful. This can be frustrating, because your mind no longer feels reliable, and you can’t trust yourself.

Feelings of frustration may stem from finding your mind unreliable, but you can also just generally find yourself feeling angry and irritable without any clear reason. You find yourself snapping at people without much justification, and that can add to your feelings of guilt and isolation from your loved ones and other people.

Depression can also feel like your emotions have been numbed. The things that made you smile once just can’t seem to pull you out of your funk. You don’t enjoy activities and things that you once did, including hobbies, food, drink, and sex.

You often feel empty, and the things that used to bring you joy just don’t seem to anymore. Paradoxically, you may end up eating too much as a way to soothe your feelings, and for some people that leads to gaining a lot of weight.

Additionally, when you’re depressed you just feel lethargic and fatigued. You may be sleeping too much, or sleeping too little, but either way, you feel tired most of the time. Apart from things just not holding an interest for you, you just don’t have the energy for activities like work, socializing, exercise, or even eating.

How to help a depressed loved one

There are several things you can do to help your loved one, including the following:

Don’t tell them to get over it or expect that they can stop being depressed on a schedule. Depression isn’t a choice, and it’s a complex condition that takes time to unravel.

Be a patient presence. That doesn’t mean you have to try and make them smile, but it does mean simply being available to them. They may rebuff you or not be enthusiastic to be around people, but include them anyway, or just be around to hold their hand, make a meal, go for a walk, or take them to their counseling sessions and keep them accountable about taking any prescribed medication. They are ultimately accountable for themselves, but you can come alongside them.

Encourage them to seek help. They can talk to you, and they should definitely talk to a professional. A therapist will develop an effective treatment plan which will include talk therapy, and possibly medication. Since you are part of their circle, you should expect that you are part of their social network and support structure. You form a crucial part of the treatment plan.

If your loved one is depressed, or you suspect that they may be depressed, gently but firmly urge them to seek help. Reach out to our office today for help.