Frequently Asked Questions About Relationship OCD

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is a specific form of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) that impacts intimate relationships. It is characterized by excessive doubts and concerns about your relationship or your partner that keep you stuck in an endless cycle of confusing, questioning obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors that can lead to severe distress.

Though it is most commonly associated with romantic relationships, relationship OCD can also manifest in parent-child relationships or relationships with siblings or friends.

How does it differ from normal relationship anxiety?

Having occasional doubts and uncertainties about a relationship is not uncommon. Most people, at some point, question whether their partner is the right one for them, or if they are truly in love, but it is not something they dwell on. For people with relationship OCD, however, the insecurity and anxiety are constant, leading to obsessive thoughts and doubts that cause them to respond with compulsive behaviors in an attempt to try and resolve their doubts.

Are there different types of relationship OCD?

Yes. Relationship OCD can be partner-focused, relationship-focused, or a combination of both.

Partner-focused relationship OCD

In partner-focused relationship OCD your focus is on perceived flaws in your partner’s physical features and/or personality characteristics, and how he or she compares to others. You may also be obsessed with thoughts about their previous relationships and wonder whether you measure up to their former partners, and how they related to them.

Relationship-focused relationship OCD

In relationship-focused relationship OCD your focus is on your relationship. You are plagued with doubts and concerns about whether you picked the right partner, how you feel toward them, how they feel about you, and the rightness of your relationship.

What are the symptoms of relationship OCD?

Just as with any type of OCD, relationship OCD is characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors. Some of the most common symptoms are:

Obsessive doubts and fears

You worry constantly about issues such as whether your relationship is right for you or there is someone else who would be a better match, whether you truly are in love, what if your partner cheats on you, or what if you fall out of love.

You wonder if noticing someone else is attractive, or have fleeting thoughts of leaving your relationship or cheating on your partner, even if you don’t actually want to act on such thoughts, means that you don’t love your partner or are no longer attracted to them.

Need for constant reassurance

You question everything about your partner and your relationship to make sure you are not making a mistake and seek constant reassurance from others that your anxieties are unfounded, you made the right choice, and you really are in love with your partner.

You may also read countless articles that define what a successful relationship looks like and what love feels like, as well as take multiple quizzes about true love to check for signs that you are attracted to your partner and they to you.

Making comparisons

You try to measure yourself, your partner, and your relationship by making constant comparisons to other people and their relationships. For instance, fixating on things you don’t like about your partner, no matter how minor, and obsessing about whether he or she is as intelligent, attractive, or witty as other people.

You may obsessively compare your relationship to those of friends, acquaintances, or people in movies or TV, and if they seem happier than yours, you wonder if that means something is wrong with your relationship.

Can it be treated?

Yes, relationship OCD is highly treatable. The two most successful treatments are exposure and response prevention therapy, and mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy.

Exposure and response prevention therapy (ERP)

ERP is a gold standard treatment for relationship OCD. It is a customized form of cognitive behavioral therapy that was developed specifically for treating OCD and involves safely and gradually exposing you to anxiety-provoking scenarios while equipping you with tools to help you face and tolerate them instead of engaging in compulsive behaviors.

As you learn to handle the discomfort, your brain learns that it is okay to feel anxiety and uncertainty without letting it control your life, and your urge to engage in compulsive behaviors decreases.

Mindfulness-based CBT

Mindfulness-based CBT is another effective treatment for relationship OCD, especially when combined with ERP. It helps you learn how to accept uncertainty by teaching you that everyone has intrusive thoughts at one time or another, but they are just thoughts and have no power over you. When you respond to them with compulsive behaviors, however, you strengthen and reinforce them and give them more credibility.

If after reading this article you think you might be suffering from relationship OCD and have questions or would like to set up a risk-free appointment to meet with one of the faith-based counselors at Carlsbad Christian Counseling in California, please give us a call.