Challenges of Being a Single Mom and Where to Find Support

Being a parent is hard work. There are challenges that you aren’t prepared to face. It is a busy life when your children are active in sports and other activities. When you are a single mom, these moments seem to intensify. Whether it is by divorce or death, becoming a single mom brings a different set of challenges. These challenges are added to the ones that you already face as a parent. The first avenue of single mom help is to seek the strength of God.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5-6, NASB

Setting the Foundation

By focusing on the Lord, we can change our focus from being overwhelmed, tired, and lonely to seeking help from God. The first place to start is to remember our identity in God, and to remember that our children have been given to us by God. We have been tasked with the duty to raise our children in the ways of the Lord. That means God has not left us alone to do this work. He will provide the wisdom to get us through the challenges.

After we check our hearts and remember our role, the next step is to look at the goal of parenting. It is always easier to get through challenging times when we remember our “why” or understand the purpose.

Parenting is not an endless task of behavior modification in our children or an endless to-do list of laundry, cooking, and cleaning. Parenting has a purpose.

We have individual hopes and dreams for our kids, whether it is to pass on our family culture or to raise our children to be successful. But we want to remember that our chief goal is to raise our children to know that they are loved by God and for them to live by faith in relationship with Him through the atoning work of His Son Jesus.

Even though the challenges seem to be intense, there are steps to help alleviate the feelings of desperation.

Most Common Challenges and Their Solutions

Work and Life Balance The most prevalent challenge is that of time. Time is valuable, and as a single mom, it may seem like you never have enough.

Solution When it comes to time and finding a solution to manage it, you can try different techniques to create better routines. You could also check with your workplace to see if there is a way to incorporate a flexible work schedule. Be sure to create a nightly routine for your children. Routines help with maintaining a stable and positive environment.

Emotional Struggles/Loneliness The challenge of parenting alone can lead to feelings of loneliness. You face feelings of having no one to turn to when you need to catch a break. You are learning to accept the space that belonged to your spouse.

Solution Retrain your thought pattern from negative to positive. If possible, connect with a single mom help group in your area. Learn to do different activities with the kids or when you are alone. Create a support system of family and friends that you can visit when you just need to have time with other adults.

Pressure in Decision Making As a single mom, you may feel a bit intimidated by having to make all the decisions. It can be a lot to take in when you are the only one who decides what affects the kids. This could even make you a bit anxious because you fear you may make the wrong decision.

Solution Remember, there is no instruction manual, and there are no perfect parents. Make time to pray about your decisions and know that God will help you choose what is best for your kids. Trust that God is guiding you in all things.

Disciplining Children As a single mom, you may face behavioral issues that were not present before becoming a one-parent household. You may struggle with not wanting to be over-strict with your children. Co-parenting can be overwhelming when both households do not coordinate the rules and boundaries.

Solution Create rules and set boundaries that let the children know you expect them to engage in appropriate behavior. Look for one or two family members to help you maintain the boundaries. If you are co-parenting, then be sure that you and the other parent are on the same page with the rules and boundaries.

Lack of Financial Support Finances are extremely important in all types of family dynamics. Single moms are faced with taking care of the bills as well as the needs of their children. Home life and work are hard to balance when you are the only income provider in the household.

Solution Lack of finances can cause a single mom to struggle with anxiety. One of the biggest ways to alleviate stress about income is to understand what you owe. Use a budget program to help you track what needs to be paid and other expenses. You can also discuss it with older children who can help you stay on track with your budget.

Self-doubt, Self-esteem, and Self-care Divorce can bring a clouded view of yourself. Depending on the reasons, you may begin to have issues with how you see yourself. As a single mom, you may struggle with understanding your value as a mother. Because you are trying to work and maintain a home, you forget to indulge in self-care. All of these issues can lead to depression and anxiety.

Solution It’s okay to want someone to tell you that you are doing a good job. Single moms tend to be harder on themselves. Try finding a single mom help support group to help you overcome the struggles associated with how you view yourself. Take time to have a quiet time with God. Let His word help you find your true identity.

Getting lost in the concern of what others may think Depending on the reason for becoming a single mom, you may worry about what others are thinking. The social stigma of being a divorced mom can initiate feelings of inadequacy. You may feel like everyone is watching you and waiting for you to fail. You might even feel as though you are being judged for working too much just to meet the financial needs of your home.

Solution The biggest thing you can do to remedy this challenge is to limit your use of social media. Understand that there is no competition in parenting. You are only responsible for parenting your children the best way you know how. Remember, others aren’t walking in your shoes. Find positive people who support you and spend time with them. Using God’s word can help you find your value as a mom and a parent.

Divorce Issues When it comes to divorce, many issues can cause challenges for the single mom. Child support is one of the biggest challenges. Co-parenting and the dual home life of the child are also issues that arise for single moms. Each of these struggles presents different problems.

Solution There are multiple ways to overcome the challenges of being a divorced single mom. The best single mom help to use when you work to overcome this challenge is to find someone with whom you can talk.

A Christian counselor may be able to help you understand and address your concerns regarding your child’s dual home life. Each state has people who can help you with child support. Most importantly, remember that you are not alone, and some people can offer help to single moms.

Adjusting to a new role Becoming a single mom was not what you had envisioned for your life. When you find yourself living a single mom life, you may have a hard time adjusting. The role comes with new challenges. You weren’t expecting to face life and its challenges alone. In the case of the death of a spouse, you didn’t expect to take on both parental roles.

Solution Take time to evaluate where you are and how you can be better. Let your children know that it is new to all of you. Make time to take care of yourself. Take a walk or get a massage. These will help reduce the stress and anxiety of trying to figure out what to do. Organize the new responsibilities so that they are part of your everyday routine. Single mom help groups can also give you advice on how to approach this new role as a single parent.

Other Single Mom Help Ideas

As you navigate this new role, you will find that challenges present themselves each day. There are many other solutions for the challenges that you may face as a single mom. Here are a few other ideas for single mom help.

• Take time for yourself so you can recalibrate yourself after a hard day.
• Examine the possibility of working from home to help with the expenses of childcare.
• Learn to live in the moment. Relish the memories that you are making in the moment and let the other stuff go.
• Incorporate a healthy diet into your self-care routine. This will help you with energy and feeling less fatigued.
• Don’t equate money with love. Your children may think they want stuff, but they need a healthy and stable home.
• Don’t allow the situation to make you angry or bitter. This leads to negative feelings about yourself.
• Trust that God sees you and knows what you need.

And the LORD will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. – Isaiah 58:11, NASB

If you feel that you need professional help learning to navigate being a single mom, please reach out to your local Christian counselor.