How Are You Doing Loving Your Spouse and Kids?

One of the best-known Bible chapters on love is 1 Corinthians 13:1-7, with a beautiful description of what love is – and what it is not. These poetic verses are often shared at weddings, as two people come together to pledge their love for each other.

But these verses are not only prose to share at a celebration, but also a mirror to view how we each are doing at loving the people in our lives. Below, we’ll look at each verse as it relates to how we’re doing loving our spouse and/or kids.

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. – 1 Corinthians 13:1, NIV

It can be easy to ignore the needs of our family and, instead, focus on getting ahead and making more money. After all, providing for our family is important. However, what our family usually wants is our time.

1 Corinthians 13 says that if we are focused on being successful at the detriment of loving our family, then we are like an annoying gong or clanging cymbal standing alone, without any other instruments helping to transform the gong or cymbal into beautiful music. The “clanging” provides a tiny portion of what could be a love song, but falls way too short. So instead of filling your family’s love cup, it adds just a few drops – a taste without the substance.

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. – 1 Corinthians 13:2, NIV

Even if we’re extremely smart and wise, and filled with mountain-moving faith, if we don’t demonstrate love – especially for our family – then all that wisdom and faith amounts to nothing, according to 1 Corinthians 13. Spending time together and being present (that is, not on our phones or computers) is often one of the best ways to demonstrate our love for our families and show them they are our priority.

If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. – 1 Corinthians 13:3, NIV

Doesn’t it seem that it would be loving if we gave all of our possessions to the poor? But what’s the motive? Is it to get attention or to have other people think about how awesome we are? If that’s the case, then it’s not motivated by love or demonstrating love.

Love must be the motivation, or it’s worth “nothing,” according to 1 Corinthians 13. Plus, if we gave away all of our possessions, how would that impact your family? Would that demonstrate love to them? Probably not. Instead, if we donate to the poor alongside our family, then we could be an example of loving and valuing others.

How are you doing so far with the 1 Corinthians 13 checklist? Now comes that convicting list you’ve no doubt seen or heard before – possibly at a wedding. Take an inventory of how you are demonstrating love in your life.

Love is patient.
Love is kind.
Love does not envy.
Love does not boast.
Love is not proud.
Love does not dishonor others.
Love is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered.
Love does not keep records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-6, NIV

What areas do you struggle with? Are you demonstrating love by being patient and kind with your family? Or is your communication with them often envious, boasting, proud, dishonoring others, or selfish?

And what about being easily angered or keeping a constant list of wrongdoings so you can throw it at your family member whenever they mess up? Instead, how would it be to cultivate peace rather than anger? And instead of the list of wrongdoings, what about keeping a record of things you’re thankful for about your spouse or kids, and then tell them those positive affirmations?

In family counseling, noticing what people are doing well is one of the first steps to a more peaceful home. Additionally, multiple researchers are showing the positive impact on our own mental health when we focus on gratitude instead of negativity.

The remainder of the “love passage” focuses on a list of “always” statements. None of us can “always” protect, trust, hope, persevere, and “never fail.” Only God can love perfectly, but He promises to be our strength in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Love always protects. – 1 Corinthians 13:7a, NIV

No, this doesn’t permit us to be “helicopter parents,” constantly hovering and trying to remove every obstacle and learning opportunity from our kids. Parental love protects by giving incremental freedoms as kids get older. Help them process and talk through their choices and, at times, let them experience the repercussions of their decisions (such as not doing their homework or staying up late before a big game).

That prepares kids for their future much more than hovering and being overprotective. On the other hand, this does not mean that you let your kids be on social media or gaming platforms without any guidelines or restrictions.

Want a powerful way to protect your kids even when they’re not with you? Prayer! Moms in Prayer offers resources and groups to pray for your kids and schools. Visit www.momsinprayer.org for scripture prayers, group information, and resources.

Love always trusts. – 1 Corinthians 13:7b, NIV

Of course, this isn’t blind trust of nefarious folks. You don’t need to give a ride to a hitchhiker, for example, or not have boundaries with an untrustworthy relative. However, it does mean asking yourself if having trouble trusting other people is really because you feel more comfortable being in control.

Many parents struggle with this – and the anxiety and anger that can go with it. If that’s you, California Christian Counseling can help you move from stress/control/anxiety/anger to a life of freedom and peace.

Love always hopes. – 1 Corinthians 13:7c, NIV

Even a spark of hope can keep us – and our loved ones – moving forward. Take time to remember what you have to be thankful for, and begin to look for that glimmer of hope in the future. When life is hard, finding sparks of hope might not be easy, but remembering what God has done for you in the past might be just what you need to look toward the future with hope.

Love always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:7d, NIV

Are you feeling overwhelmed and having trouble persevering? Sometimes life is hard. Even in the midst of struggle, finding moments of peace and calm can help us feel more regulated. Try sitting outside in nature. Slowly take deep breaths and thank God for what you see, what you hear, what you smell, what you touch, and maybe even what you taste.

Ask God to strengthen you to persevere. You don’t have to do that on your own. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and weighed down by stress, anxiety, depression, anger, etc., reaching out to a counselor can be the step you need to begin to persevere.

Love never fails.

Of course, human love fails. Often. That’s why apologies are a gift not just to the other person but to ourselves. Admitting a wrong can bring relief and repair. In our humanness, our love always fails. But God’s love never fails. Lean into Him, and He will show you the path toward love. None of us can live up to this high standard of love day in and day out. But we can “do everything through Christ who gives me strength” (Phil. 4:13).

The Passion Translation of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 provides a great way to summarize this passage:

“Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor.

“Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.”

If you need help loving your family more freely, please reach out to California Christian Counseling. We are here to help.