How to Maintain Wellness While Caring for Aging Parents

One of the toughest roles is that of the caregiver to aging parents; the very people that raised you, instilled values and morals into you, and cheered you on through school and every milestone. Perhaps your parent didn’t do any of those things, but their care still falls to you, and it feels like it is more than you can bear.

Caregiver stress is real anxiety that people caring for the sick or disabled often face. However, you can learn to manage the stress while also serving your parents during a time when they need you the most.

What is Caregiver Stress?

Caregiver stress affects more than your new time commitments and responsibilities. It also can affect your health. Although many adult children do not consider themselves “caregivers,” this is the role that they have assumed, sometimes out of necessity. You have a higher risk of experiencing caregiver stress if you are socially isolated, lean towards depression, struggle financially, and live with your aging parent full time.

How do you know if you are developing caregiver stress?

Here are some symptoms:

• Feeling fatigued throughout the day
• Sleep disturbances or sleeping too much
• Newly developed anxiety or an increase in anxiety
• Sudden onset of panic attacks
• Changes in eating patterns like overeating or not eating much at all
• Feelings of depression or entrapment
• Losing interest in hobbies you once loved
• Changes in mood or behaviors
• Dependence on alcohol and drugs to carry on

Caregiver stress is nothing to feel guilty or shameful about as many adult children face the same dilemma. Trying to care for aging parents while maintaining a household, a career, and a family is challenging for even the most organized of people. However, there is hope in finding a balance.

Strategies for Maintaining Wellness as You Care for Aging Parents

There are several strategies you can implement to maintain your sanity and reduce caregiver stress while caring for aging parents:

Remember that you are one person.

No matter how efficient and productive you are in the daily task of caregiving, you are still only one person. You can only stretch so far before you reach burn out. There will be times that you need to take a step back and reevaluate what is best for you and your parent.

Caregiving is a tough gig, and yet, spending this precious time with your parent, makes it worthwhile. If you can, say no to a few other responsibilities right now until you get into a groove with caregiving. This may mean putting off the major remodel on the house for another year or only taking one online class instead of four.

Adopt systems and strategies to stay organized.

The organization will serve you well during this time. Consider working with your parent’s geriatric doctor to create a one-sheet that lists all your parent’s medications, allergies, conditions, and surgeries. If the pharmacy offers packaged medications, ask about signing up to receive morning, afternoon, and evening pill packs to make it easier to monitor dosages.

You may want to create morning and evening routines to help your parent understand and expect what comes next in the day, especially for patients with memory problems. You can also create daily routines to keep up with your housekeeping and bill payments.

Ask others for help.

At this point, you may be the primary caregiver. Remember that other family members and friends love your parent too. Ask for help when you need it. Maybe a spouse can take over while you leave to grocery shop. Perhaps a friend from the church can sit with your parent while you run errands or take a break.

There are also senior programs available to help caregivers, including respite care and adult day care programs. Or you can hire a caregiver to come into the home one or two days a week to help with meals, housework, laundry, and your parent’s daily activities.

Incorporate physical movement into your daily life.

Not only will a brisk walk do wonders for your physical health, but it can boost your mental health as well. It gives you a few minutes to step out and away, allowing your mind to think about other things. As the endorphins increase, you will come back happier than you were when you left.

If the weather is not suitable for outside walking and you do not have access to an indoor track, consider streaming walking videos that you can do at home in a small area of the living room or your bedroom. Or consider investing in a treadmill or elliptical.

Schedule mini-breaks.

Scheduling a weekly mini-break gives you something to look forward to throughout the week. Make arrangements with a friend, family member, or professional caregiver for that day. Permit yourself to enjoy a movie, favorite coffee-shop drink, shopping, new hobby, salon/barber trip, or restaurant.

You can add mini-breaks in throughout the day to reset your mind. Think about small increments of time and what you can do for you. You can take a few minutes out of your day to work on a crossword puzzle, read a book, listen to music, call a friend, or watch a sitcom.

Catch your thoughts and take them captive.

Take your negative thoughts captive. When you catch derogatory thoughts zipping through your mind, identify them, and work on flipping them to create a positive affirmation. By changing your thoughts, you can change your emotions about the situation.

Most caregivers face the reality that they are slowly losing their parents. The idea alone can leave you anxious and depressed. Reach out to a support group or professional mental health care provider to learn how to manage those thoughts.

Learn to let go of offenses.

Sometimes with the new role reversal, aging parents can feel bitter and resentful about having their child control every aspect of their life. This can lead to words and actions that your parent would not usually say or do. Learn to let those words wash over you and move on. Dementia patients can have memory problems where they no longer recognize you at times and may react to you as they would a stranger.

This is not a reflection of their true love for you – they are in pain. Monitor your reactions toward your parent. There will be moments that you feel anxious and upset and feel like lashing out. Try to avoid taking these frustrations out on your parent. Call a friend or find a caregiver support group to vent your frustrations.

Spend time in prayer and worship.

The best mini-break you can take is spending time with God in prayer and worship. Giving God your worries is better than even calling your best friend. God has time to listen and can give you a spirit of peace during this difficult time.

Spend just a few minutes delving into His word. You can worship Him while you do your daily tasks like washing dishes, showering, or cooking dinner. Some people journal their thoughts to God using a small notebook, allowing the pen to transfer frustrations out of their minds and onto the page. Worship however feels right to you. God knows your heart.

If, after trying a few of these strategies, you still feel pulled in all directions, consider faith-based counseling as a tool to manage your new responsibility.

How Christian Counseling Can Help

You may not have anyone in your close circle that understands the commitment that adult children feel while caring for aging parents. A therapist can work with you to establish routines as well as discover outlets to reduce your stress constructively.

Depending on your location, your therapist may recommend a support group for caregivers. These groups are invaluable. Members share insights and tips on what has worked for them and can share in your heartache and worry.

Having support during this time is critical to your wellbeing and peace of mind. Reach out to a friend or a professional, take time for yourself, and be patient. “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” (Exodus 20:12)