Overcoming Challenges With Co-parenting

The connection forged by a marriage lingers long after that marriage ends in divorce. This is even more true when the relationship created children, as those children bind their parents together by their very existence. However one may feel about their ex, those children are a tie that binds them together, at least in the need to share responsibility for the well-being of those children through co-parenting.

Marriages begin and end in different ways. Some end quickly and relatively painlessly, while others end as a drawn-out affair that costs thousands of dollars in legal fees and where the resulting animus is palpable. How the marriage ends can have a direct impact on how the two former spouses relate to each other as co-parents. However, just because you had or have a fractious relationship with your spouse doesn’t mean things have to remain that way.

Some challenges that come with co-parenting

All relationships have their complications and areas of challenge, and co-parenting is no different. You may be in a co-parenting situation already, or know it is coming. Knowing some of the challenges that come with it can help you understand what you’re dealing with as well as alert you to areas you need to pay close attention to. Co-parenting can present several challenges, and some of these include:

Navigating legal and custody issues  Co-parenting requires patience and fortitude to manage and navigate legal agreements, custody arrangements, and legal disputes, all while trying to do life, work, and raise children. It can take quite a toll to juggle it all and maintain a good attitude.

Communication issues  There can be difficulty communicating effectively and respectfully with your co-parent. This may be rooted in your different communication styles, or may be hampered by anger, a lack of empathy, or poor listening skills. This means it’s easy to miss each other’s meaning, which can lead to unnecessary and prolonged conflict.

Supporting the children’s needs  Throughout the separation or divorce, it’s imperative to be present to help your children cope with the challenges of co-parenting and parental separation. They are experiencing upheaval and loss, and both parents must help them make sense of what’s going on and give them the emotional support they need.

Conflicting parenting styles  Different parenting approaches and values can lead to disagreements. Some individuals prefer a more authoritative style, while others prefer a more permissive parenting style. These and other differences can cause conflict to arise.

Coordinating schedules and responsibilities  Dealing with one household and its multiple schedules can be a daunting task. Managing and coordinating shared responsibilities and schedules between two households can be complicated without clear communication and a lot of grace.

Emotional baggage and conflict  The aftermath of a divorce can create a lot of emotional baggage between the former spouses. Unresolved issues and longstanding conflicts can impact co-parenting dynamics. In other words, other arguments about other issues between the two parents can affect how they relate to each other in their parenting.

Power struggles and control issues  If co-parents haven’t communicated clearly, or they have vastly different ideas, or they have their own agendas in mind, they may start and get the children caught up in a struggle for controlling parenting decisions. The children can become proxies and pawns in the parents’ conflicts.

Different priorities and values As with married couples, co-parents may prioritize different aspects of their child’s life, and they will place an emphasis on one thing over the other. For instance, one parent might prioritize the child’s education, while another is more focused on them excelling in their extracurricular activities. Where these can’t coexist easily, it can create conflict.

Maintaining consistency and boundaries  Establishing consistent rules, discipline, and boundaries across households is important for the children and their well-being. It can be confusing to navigate two entirely different sets of rules and values, so it’s important for co-parents to agree on certain basics that are consistent between the households.

Lack of trust and respect  The breakdown of communication and their relationship can result in a lack of trust and respect between co-parents. This in turn causes great difficulty in building and maintaining a functional co-parenting relationship.

Coping with changes and transitions  The co-parenting relationship may be a positive one, but it may still have to contend with realities such as needing to adapt to changes like one or both parents moving house, or new partners or remarriage entering the scene. It can be hard adjusting to new relationships and negotiating blended family dynamics.

These and other challenges can confront parents. However, these challenges can be overcome.

Finding support

It’s important to remember that co-parenting is a journey and that challenges will arise. One of the main ways to overcome these challenges is to prioritize effective communication. This means being more willing to listen than to speak, not jumping to conclusions about your co-parent’s intentions or agenda, being willing to ask questions to gain a better understanding, and listening with empathy. This will help you avoid unnecessary conflict.

Further, implementing a child-centered approach will help you keep the main thing in focus. It is possible to overcome obstacles and provide a loving and supportive environment for your children.

Individually or through co-parenting counseling, you can become an effective co-parenting team for the good of your children. If you’re experiencing difficulty in co-parenting, know that help is available through effective co-parenting and individual counseling in Carlsbad, California. Call our office at Carlsbad Christian Counseling for more information.