Relationship Advice for Men: 7 Tips on Being a Dad

Raising kids in the 21^st century has its own set of challenges for dads. Getting a great work-life balance is harder than ever. Life is busy between your own commitments and those of the children (not to mention any extra-curricular activities). Between that, and the pressure to provide financially for their families, there are unique pressures facing dads who are trying to meet their responsibilities with integrity. In this article, we’ll offer relationship advice for men including seven practical tips on being a dad.

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4

According to the Pew Research Center, more dads are choosing to stay home specifically to care for their family. According to them, “The share of fathers who are stay-at-home dads ticked up from 4% in 1989 to 7% in 2016. As a result, dads made up 17% of all stay-at-home parents in 2016, up from 10% in 1989.”

For the longest time, there has been a stereotype of dads being uninvolved with their children. While more and more children are growing up without a father in their home, it is also true that dads are generally taking on a more active role with their children, and this includes single dads as well. Childcare is a responsibility many dads are taking seriously.

And they should. There are several societal ills such as poverty, drug and alcohol abuse, poor physical and emotional health that can be exacerbated by fatherlessness – when the father is entirely absent or is physically present but emotionally absent. When we talk about “dads,” we’re not just talking about biological fathers.

Adoptive parents, as well as social fathers, can all bear the label “dad.” Job, from the Bible, is an excellent example of a social father, when he says, “I rescued the poor who cried for help, and the fatherless who had none to assist them” (Job 29:12). There are good men out there who are taking children not their own under their wing to nurture and protect them.

Relationship Advice for Men: 7 Tips on Being a Dad

Here are seven pointers that lots of dads are already putting into effect in their lives to help them be a positive influence on their children.

1. Take the time you need and enjoy your moments

One of the most precious gifts that we can give to another human being in our hectic world, is time. Time spent without distractions is a rare commodity. Prioritize your presence as and when you spend time with your children.

Even if it’s just twenty minutes, hang out with your phone turned off, so you don’t get distracted. As you spend time with them, take the time to learn about them, and to show them who you are. It’s one thing for a dad to be physically present, and it’s quite another to be emotionally present as well.

You can also take time to read to them, or to teach them something in your workshop. If you can, go to their game or recital and cheer them on as if your life depended on it. This close connection, among others, also gives you the right to be heard.

The Pew Research Center noted that in a 2017 survey, around 63% of dads thought they spent too little time with their children, compared with the 35% of mothers who felt the same way. While work obligations are the largest culprit for this feeling, one way some dads have dealt with it is being deliberate and creating a hermetic seal between workdays and family time.

Some dads have been willing to reduce their work hours or work from home for a season to spend more time with their kids. If your partner also has an income, this option might work for you. Whatever you can do to be fully present and enjoy your moments with your children, go for it!

2. Don’t be afraid to feel out of place

While social norms have shifted considerably over the last half-century, society still largely thinks of dads as the financial providers and not nurturers. So, it may seem hard to find yourself in places such as a ballet recital, parks, playpens, or malls where there’s a larger number of moms and childminders. Your child needs social interaction; don’t deprive them of it because you feel slightly awkward.

3. Don’t be afraid to use social media

Part of the beauty of living in the time we do is having access to social media, and the variety of treasures out there. Social media can be a useful tool to help you make sense of your role as a dad, to aid you in marking dad milestones as well as your child’s development, and to share and get advice from other dads.

Social media space is also a space to shake off the stigma of being a stay-at-home or whatever other kind of dad you might be. When you see some of the videos trending on social media that show dads being goofy with their kids it can encourage you to be that with your kids.

In the last few years, media like the amazing short 2019 film Hair Love, or YouTube channels like Beleaf In Fatherhood, not to mention the many websites like fathers.com or fatherly.com have helped bring fathering into the mainstream.

4. Discipline with gentleness and love

The verse quoted at the beginning reminds us that fathers have the primary role in nurturing their children and that it is in giving their children instruction in the ways of the Lord. Discipline can be hard.

If your parents were quite harsh, you might err on the side of letting things go. However, you need to hold the line and be firm. after all, boundaries are good for kids, and they help to give them a sense of safety and that there’s someone who’s in charge. As the writer of Hebrews points out:

Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us, and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. – Hebrews 12:9-11

As fathers discipline their children, they need to be aware that their kids are different from each other. What works with one won’t necessarily work with the other, and so a father needs to exercise patience and discernment to know how to best deal with each child.

5. Let them see you treat their mom with love and respect

A father may or may not be married to the mother of his children. Whatever the circumstances, one of the things a father can do is to model behavior that will bless their children in the future. Treating their mom with love and respect not only shows them how they are to relate to her, but it can model for them (especially if they’re boys) how they should relate to all women.

6. Enjoy, love, and parent the child you have

Along with discipline, another aspect of fathering is to enjoy, love, and parent the child you have, not the one you want. Many fathers put themselves and their children through much heartache by wanting to mold their children into something they aren’t. Maybe you wanted a son, but you got a daughter instead.

Maybe you want your child to be tough and athletic, or to be a bit more sensitive. The child you have may not be those things, and you should accept them and appreciate them for what they are. They are amazing people made in God’s image. They can learn from your unconditional acceptance that they are loved for being who they are.

7. Don’t be afraid of apologizing

You may struggle on your “dad” journey. That’s okay. None of us are perfect. You will need forgiveness, from God, your child, and yourself. None of us measure up to God’s standard for fatherhood, nor are we the man we’d hoped to be for our children. It matters what you do when you mess up.

If you didn’t make it to their ball game on time, or you weren’t able to keep your word about helping them with homework or a school project, make it right and apologize. It takes humility to acknowledge our faults, especially to a child who looks up to us as their model and authority figure. Doing so not only humanizes you, but it also shows them how to take responsibility for their actions.