What to Do When a Narcisissist is Also Codependent

Codependency and narcissism are seemingly two extremely different traits, and it can be hard to believe they can be found in one person. True, they might have conflicting traits, but it is important to note that these two exist on a spectrum hence it is possible to have someone exhibit both traits. A narcisissist can also be a codependent.

Narcissism shares a common thread in that both come from a poorly developed sense of self. In trying to live up to this definition of self, one has certain behavior patterns and people experience them as narcissistic, codependent, or both.

Human beings are complex. It can be tough to understand what informs their behaviors. However, if you suspect that you or someone you love might be exhibiting a combination of behavior consistent with a codependent narcissist, below are some traits to look out for.

Behavioral traits of a codependent narcissist.

Controlling and manipulative.

They need to see things being done their way. If they don’t get their way, they can use manipulation. Control helps them keep a sense of power over people, which is a narcissistic trait and manipulation serves to meet their own needs without taking other people’s feelings or needs into consideration. It’s all about them.

Dependency.

Their whole image and well-being are dependent on others. Though their sense of self-importance might tower over other traits, they heavily depend on others for emotional support, help, and validation. They might sometimes try to portray an image of independence, but deep down, they struggle to do things for themselves and need constant reassurance from those around them.

Sensitive to criticism.

They do not like being held accountable or being criticized. A narcissistic codependent, either out of fear of rejection or need for validation, will rarely take responsibility for their actions. They feel attacked when they are being corrected or given constructive feedback. In response, they will then deflect, attack back, or blame-shift.

Fear of rejection.

Being left is frightening for narcissistic codependents. When someone leaves it means they were not good enough and that hurts their ego. It could also stem from a fear of abandonment and a fear of being alone, which is a codependent trait. They will go to great lengths to avoid rejection of any kind.

Struggle with low self-esteem.

Though presenting an outside facade of confidence and self-assurance, narcissistic codependence is plagued by low self-esteem. Their need for constant validation and admiration indicates a fragile sense of self and insecurity. They sometimes mask this with people pleasing, which serves to imprint their importance in the lives of others.

Inability to form meaningful connections.

Because someone who is a narcissistic codependent is often self-centered, manipulative, controlling, and manipulative, it is difficult for people to form genuine relationships with them. These are traits that unfortunately can be found in abusive relationship partners.

We are here to help.

If any of the above resonated with you or someone you love and need help to explore this topic further, please know we are here to help. As human beings we are always looking for ways to relate to others healthily. If you find that those traits above reflect how you relate to others and need help, we are here for you.

At Carlsbad Christian Counseling in California, we are also here to help those who might be struggling with the effects of loving someone who has the above traits. We have trained counselors in Carlsbad who will help you unpack and heal in a safe space.